Bad Parenting?

I almost forgot to post this story.  Earlier in the week, my wife and I brought Baby Carter to the pediatrician for a scheduled check-up.  This was my first trip to a pediatrician office since I was a young boy.  As soon as we walked in, I immediately noticed not one but two waiting rooms; one labeled "sick" kids and one for "well" kids.  Makes sense I guess. Nevertheless, we headed into the "well" room since Disney's Madagascar was playing on the flat screen television.  My wife, Baby Carter, and I sat on the very far end of the room hoping to keep the other families from waking the rarely sleeping Baby Carter.  At some point, a woman and her 5-6 year old daughter came into the waiting room and sat down across from us.  The little burnet-haired well-spoken girl was playing with a few of the waiting room toys and puzzles when her mother caught her peeking up at Madagascar on the television.  The scene was a very catchy song and dance that would grab most kids attention (to include mine).

The mother snapped at her daughter, "Do not look at that television!"

My wife and I looked at each other in awe.  I whispered to my wife, "Wow, so is that considered good parenting-not allowing your kid to watch television?  If so, we might be in trouble! We attended some great colleges and hold multiple graduate level degrees and I watched a ton of television as a child!  She can't be for real!"

About 5 minutes later, the little girl became bored of the toys and puzzles so the mother broke out a homemade "opposites" game where she makes a statement and the answer is the opposite of that statement.

The first riddle was "The sun is to day as the moon is to _____?"

The girl enthusiastically answered "NIGHT!"

The mother continued with "When you throw the ball up, then it must come ____?"

The little girl hesitated a moment and answered "When you throw the ball up...?"

The mother repeated the riddle two more times before the little girl's lightbulb went off.  "IT MUST COME DOWN!"

The little girl was so excited about finally getting the answer correct she continued with "Wow, mommy! I am so smart aren't I?!"

I will never forget the mother's response to her beautiful and bright young daughter, "I don't know about that, it took you way too long to get that one!"

The little girl lowered her head in defeat just as they were called into the doctors office.  The sad part was she was completely serious!  Are you kidding me!  Her daughter just asked her for some motherly love and reassurance and she completely shut her down!  I am new to the whole parenting thing, but I know she was way out of line to discredit her daughter like that!  If the latest edition of Parenting magazine my wife was browsing was within arms reach, I probably would have thrown it at the back of the mother's head!  Will someone please let me know if they agree with this parenting style?  If so, you are in serious need of love and affection!

ESA or 529 College Savings Plan?

It is no secret that college expenses can exceed $20K a year for state schools and double to $40K+ for private schools which is why it is important to start planning for Baby Carter's future as soon as possible.  I would not change my childhood for anything, but my family worked hard to live paycheck to paycheck with no money left over for college.  As a service member, I lucked out and was able to make a dent in my college expenses with G.I. Bill benefits.  Nevertheless, I hold multiple degrees and learned the hard way that college debt can sneak up on a student if not closely monitored.  With current monthly college loan payments that mirror a mortgage payment, I will be paying off college loans until Baby Carter begins college!  I want Baby Carter to have every opportunity to attend a great school and not have to worry about participating in random pharmaceutical lab projects to pay for tuition or have to be forced to take out a mortgage to earn a reputable degree.  Additionally, as much as I would love to have Baby Carter grow up to be a Marine, it is hard to plan for military educational benefits in his case.  This is why starting a savings plan as soon as possible is critical to his financial future.  I will be the first to admit that I am personally, professionally (and as soon as I finish my EdD) educationally satisfied with my life, but I do not have the financial stability to write a check for his tuition outright.  After some brief research, I found two popular college savings programs that may interest parents.  An Educational Savings Account (ESA) or Education IRA is a non-deductible tax-free savings account that parents can contribute up to $2K a year with no limits as to how the money is invested.  A 529 College Savings Plan is a tax advantaged savings plan that is opened in your state, another state, or directly with the university of choice.

As a military family, it is difficult to choose a state to pay into a 529 plan.  This is where an ESA can be more beneficial.  Unfortunately, the yearly investment cap of an ESA is $2K.  If anyone has any other great college savings plan ideas I am more than open for recommendations.  

The link below is a great reference to the advantages and disadvantages of the ESA and 529 savings plans. The link goes into greater detail than my post.

ESAs Vs. 529 College Savings Plans

Battle of Wills (and Socks)

Today marked another important day of the long war.  The Battle of Wills began with the relentless cries for attention from Baby Carter after his mid-day feeding.  I laid him down in his bassinet and within minutes he sent forward the first of many frontal attacks.  At first, the attack was a bit scattered and indirect but as he gained ground, the attack intensified.  Within 8-10 minutes my defenses were breached and I had no choice but to hold up the white flag (yet again).  I picked Baby Carter up out of his bassinet and held him up to my chest with his head facing his mommy.  It only took about 10 seconds for him to call off the attack.  He then went as far as to throw in a little "Ha, I win again!" smile to his mommy.  In an effort to rebuild my defenses before the next attack, I spoke to a friend about how long the Battle of Wills can last and he simply stated "it depends."  One of his daughters used to cry for attention for 15-20 minutes before falling asleep and the other took over an hour at times before she gave up.  OVER AN HOUR!?  There is no way I can listen to my future Yankee pitcher cry for 10 minutes, nevermind an hour without a breakdown in my willpower!  And for those who are keeping track, yes, I am 0 for 3 in the war thus far.

Score:  Baby Carter-3     Daddy-0

Socks:  Another battle I cannot manage to keep up with is the Battle of the Socks.  Baby Carter manages to take of his socks no matter how many times I put them back on his tiny feet.  I concluded that he is not strong enough or long enough to grab his feet so they miraculously just disappear.  At one point, I found a sock upstairs and its evil twin brother was downstairs on the opposite side of the house!  Maybe Baby Carter has a career in magic!  Stand back David Blaine!

A Little Overprotective?

So is this an example of good parenting or bad parenting?  Maybe parents just want their babies to get a head start on playing football.

Must Have Items

Most dads do not have much to say when it comes to picking out baby clothes and other useful baby items so they just go with the flow when presented with "how about this item?" scenarios from their significant other.  Nevertheless, I have to give credit where credit's due.  Two must have items that have been life savers for me include the Playtex(R) Diaper Genie Elite and the Nap Nanny Chill(TM).  The Diaper Genie is a convenient, clean and organized (this is critical for people suffering with OCD) way of disposing dirty diapers twice a week rather than everyday.  The Nap Nanny is a soft, comfortable, and reclined alternative to a bassinet.  Baby Carter is not a fan of lying flat on his back (as with many new borns from what I read), so the Nap Nanny is a great alternative if you believe sleep is underrated.  The first night we put him in the Nap Nanny, he slept for most of the night (with exception to feeding time).  Although I have not completely given up on the bassinet, I may have to put in the attic for now.  But word of caution about the Nap Nanny-NEVER PUT IT IN A CRIB OR ON ANY ELEVATED POSITION!

playtexbaby.com

www.napnanny.com

Perfect Timing

This next story happened 3 times already so hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes.  Baby Carter has quickly evolved into an assembly line of dirty diapers.  If I could only find a way to harvest his dirty diapers into something more useful than a "Sh!& snake" (from Diaper Genie and I highly recommend this as a must purchase for any new dad) I would be inclined to fight for a spot on the show "Shark Tank".  Nevertheless, no bankers or investors are lining up to invest in "Carter Dirt" so his impressive diaper art will go to waste for now.  I digress...back to the story at hand.

So the past few days, I have been doing everything I can to calm my OCD (just short of carrying Carter in one arm and a Dustbuster in another) and thought a set process would help Baby Carter and me adapt to the new lifestyle.  The typical schedule I attempted to follow included changing his diaper immediately after every time he woke up from a nap.  The post nap changes went without issue but not 2 minutes later, while holding him in my arm, (with my hand near his bottom area) the bomb went off.  Carter would fuss a little and then the calm before the storm.  A category 2 earthquake would shake my hand from his bottom area.  You have to be kidding me!  Not two minutes after changing him, he would thank me by creating dirty art work followed by a huge smile of gratification.

Lesson Learned:  Let baby awaken for a few minutes before rushing to change his post nap diaper because he may have more baby paint to throw on his art canvas.

Are You Okay?!

Since I got back from the hospital with Baby Carter, I have noticed that my senses are heavily focused on every finger twitch, head roll, leg kick, sucking noise, or any other movement or sound that originates from his direction.  Earlier today, I fell asleep while he was sleeping in his swing and he sneezed.  It was the most adorable sneeze-similar to that of a puppy-but my mind processed it as if a glass fell off the counter and broke into a million pieces.  I immediately jumped off of the couch and crawled over to him to make sure he was okay.  Most of my friends have children and they warned me about the overprotective stage.  One thing they failed to mention was how long the stage lasts.  Will I always be so reactive to his every move?

Decision Points

Decision Points is a section dedicated to posts regarding difficult decision points a new father is presented with throughout the fatherhood journey.  Any and all recommendations are welcome.

Decision Point #1:  Mommy is a huge Red Sox fan and daddy is a huge Yankees fan.  Although he has many Red Sox and Yankees apparel themed baby outfits, only one team will stick with him until he is old enough to make is own decisions. 

So...Yankees or Red Sox?

"I Told You So!"

"I told you so!" is a new section dedicated to fatherly lessons learned the hard way.  Every time I disregard parental recommendations from my dad, in-laws, family, friends, etc. that end up just as they predicted, I will post them here.

I Told You So #1:  

Scenario:  It was about 3:00am and baby Carter was fussing.  I carried him over to the changing table and unsnapped his onesie to expose his dirty diaper.  I opened his diaper and witnessed a mess that a CSI tech would need to seek counseling for.  I proceeded to wipe him clean with the cold baby wipe and before I could finish, I felt a warm fluid hit on my hand and run down part of my arm.  He was urinating all over me!  I attempted to grab the new diaper from one of the baskets underneath the changing table, but it was too late.  The warm flow of urine was accompanied by more crime scene fecal matter.  Awesome.  I protected what I could with the dirty wipe in my right hand and waited for the horrific event to conclude.  Once Carter completed his mission to initiate dad, he looked up at me and had the biggest smile I've seen thus far.  The little monster knew what we was doing!  He said "I Told You So!"

Recommendation:  Make sure you do not remove the dirty diaper until you have already have a clean diaper underneath the dirty diaper.  This way you can wipe the baby clean and quickly "switch" the diapers while preventing him from initiating you college fraternity style.

The Beautiful Combat Zone

Most men do not expect much from their significant other on Valentine's Day, but this year my wife gave me the best gift a man could ask for; the gift of fatherhood.  What my wife failed to mention in the lovely Hallmark Greeting card was the follow-on gift of 4 hours of sleep, 62 diaper changes, and the sweet lullabies of newborn screeching over the next 5 days.  As an active duty Marine officer, I have had many sleepless nights on duty or flying combat missions, where stress and lack of sleep are commonplace.   Furthermore, the Corps does a good job of preparing Marines for the stresses of combat to include lack of sleep, loud noises, and/or terrible smells with their "train like we fight" mentality.  No amount of training and/or preparation prepared me for this past week.  From the moment he entered this world and I became a dad, my world became a beautiful combat zone.  Quiet calmness quickly turned to loud obnoxious cries for help.  You think there would be enough ammunition to halt the enemy's advance but then the bottles go dry.  You lost count of how many cries for the "MEDIC!" go unanswered as the dirty diaper machine gun hits you from every direction.  The clock says 3:30am.  Perfect, as always, the enemy hits you at the most inopportune times.  Your calls for reinforcements also go unanswered as they are still recovering from the previous Battle of Labor.  You are confused, lost, tired, scared, alone, and out of ammunition and ideas.  You want to call "Surrender" but the Marine Corps taught you to never give up.  Just as the fog of war is at its thickest; it happened.  The loud cries for help lessened and the barrage of dirty diaper machine gun rounds stopped.  The fog slowly began to clear and before long you can make out two very bright and sparkling circles.  The circles are calming and beautiful. A sense of gratification and love starts to overwhelm the previous feelings of fear, anxiety, and confusion.  The circles get brighter and  eventually they open to a beautiful 22 inch, 7 lbs, 1 oz ray of sunshine.  It is Baby Carter.  The battle has ceased for now, but the war is far from over.